I built myself up for several days before telling my son. Some days, the timing just didn?t feel right because he was having a good day that I didn?t want to ruin or he was having a rough day that I didn?t want to add stress to. Finally, the day seemed right and ?be strong for Brenndon? resounded in my head as I walked into the kitchen to tell him the news. ?I have breast cancer, but don?t worry, it was caught early, and I?ll be alright?. Brenndon was emotional as any child (well, he?s 25) would be when told that their mother has the ?C? word. He was also positive and strong for me as he told me about his friend Jenn, who is in her 20?s who had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer that he wanted to connect me with.

I remember that moment vividly as my skeptical mind thought ?thanks son, but why the hell would I want to reach out to someone that I don?t know to talk about a condition that I don?t want to have??. Boy was that a dumb way of thinking. Don?t get me wrong, I felt horrible knowing that someone in their 20?s was diagnosed with breast cancer, but you see, I have friends, some of them since high school that I can talk to for support. Now I truly believe that while my friends can sympathize, only those who have walked this crappy path can really empathize.

Thankfully, after being diagnosed, I was quickly contacted by a myriad of doctors to get this party started. Then, one day, Brenndon showed me a message he?d received from his friend Jenn about her breast surgeon and reconstructive surgeon, and wouldn?t you know it was the same doctors that I?d been referred to! Right away it was as if God had broken through my very thick skull to show me that he was putting someone in my life that was walking this same path. Since she?d been diagnosed earlier, Jenn had done a lot of the hard work of researching all sorts of things having to do with breast cancer and reconstruction. When I contacted her early in May, she was gracious enough to share all that she had learned along with her experience thus far.

May was full of doctor appointments and just about every type of scan imaginable ? complete information overload. Oh, and bills?they don?t tell you just how expensive it is to try and survive cancer. What they also don?t tell you is that FMLA hasn?t progressed much for those with cancer. Sure, you get to keep your job, but not your paycheck. You must use your vacation and sick hours if you want to be paid. If you don?t have vacation and sick time, tough titty (pun intended), you won?t be paid. I am thankful that as of the moment I am writing this, I had saved my time off like a level 5 hoarder, so I haven?t had the struggle of incomplete pay checks ? yet.

After meeting with numerous doctors, I decided to have a double mastectomy; after all, I didn?t want to go through this again and there aren?t many types of cancer that you can remove an organ and not have to worry about cancer there again. I would have the operation, wouldn?t have to do chemo or radiation, great. June 17th, I underwent a double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction. You can Google it, but basically it means that I elected to use my own tissue for reconstruction in lieu of getting breast implants. My 6-hour surgery ended up taking 9 hours because when they took me to recovery twice, I had blood clots that had to be removed. I woke up with a body that I?m still trying to get used to. If you want to know what I look like after surgery, think of a naked barbie doll.

Next, I was on the road to recovery, remember, I had the ?good? cancer DCIS and since all breast tissue was removed, I was golden. Not so fast. My pathology report came back indicating that they had found a 7 mm mass in my breast tissue and another 9 mm mass in one of the two lymph nodes that were removed. Queue a new diagnosis. Now the diagnosis was stage 2, grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma that is HER2 positive but estrogen and progesterone negative. What does all that mean? If you guessed chemo and radiation, you?d be right. Guess who also told me in the hospital when she came to visit me to re-braid my hair that she was going to have to do chemo? Yep, Jenn.

So here we go again with the doctor appointments. Thankfully, I was assigned a phenomenal oncologist and it just so happened to be the same one as Jenn. I was, as I am still, scared. Chemo? You mean I?m going to lose this hair that I complain so much about but is the thing that I am holding on to as my femineity after losing my boobs?! For my well-intentioned folks reading this, please don?t say ?it?s just hair, it will grow back?. So much has already changed, and so much has been taken away in the life of a cancer patient. I can assure you, it is not ?just hair?. It is my hair and even if I complain about it daily, it is among other things a shield that makes me feel some semblance of normal and a little less like a cancer patient. When you lose your hair, it is as though HIPAA no longer exists because everyone can see you have something ?wrong? with you. I don?t know what to tell you to say because I?d struggle too; however, maybe choose something like ?it sucks so bad, but you?re beautiful with or without hair? and ideally mean it.

August 8th, I started TCHP chemo. Let me say if there was a ?good? type of chemo, this sure as hell isn?t it. I could tell you about the side effects that I?ve experienced, but I?ll spare you the details. I will undergo a total of 6 rounds of chemo, which if all goes as planned will end the week before Thanksgiving. I will get to take a month off and then I will start daily radiation for just under 6 weeks during which I will still be going every 3 weeks for the HER2 infusions for a year.

If you?ve made it this far in reading, bless you! I?m not one who likes to ask for help; however, I am learning that I simply have to. If you find it in your heart (and wallet) to do so, please donate to my GoFundMe ? anything helps (need the link, just ask me). ALSO, if you are able, please donate to the Susan G. Komen organization and join Jenn and my team which is so eloquently named the ?Shitty Titty Committee?! Jenn and I will be walking in Fort Worth, but you can do it from anywhere. It would be an honor to see people walking in support of my breast friend Jenn and I.